A while ago I was telling a friend how my perception of music was altered due to being all “loved up”, it was quite wonderful! All of a sudden all love songs had to do with ME (and they made sense), the blues did not get me blue, those boleros and their heart wrenching lyrics pertained to the rest of the world, no longer to me, why?? because finally after SO many years I was in love, totally walking on air and counting my blessings, smiling like a happy idiot all day; Air supply did not seem so cheesy all of a sudden and I would (kid you not) break into a dance at the first note of Cole Porter’s songbooks…
Aaahhh! But those times are long gone! I crashed like my cynic girlfriends had anticipated, and this time I was so busy being in love that I did not see the enemy launching his missile and it took me completely by surprise, I believe I was dancing to “la vie en Rose” when that happened.
For almost two months now I have been permanently stationed in Sadville, taking off every now and then to Bitterpussdorf and when seriously ticked off I take a spin in BH County and enjoy it like mad, although afterward I do feel a little guilty for being so mean.
The really tricky part is choosing the right music, being as sensitive as I am to it, gotta play it safe. I have had 1 solid month of purely classical, no lovey dovey lyrics to set me back or anything, but it is really not easy jogging to Bach or Mahler so just 1 week ago I graduated to jazzy stuff, skipping Nora Jones, Harry Connick Jr o Buble (I love that kid!), mustn’t be in Spanish unless it’s pop and I can absolutely forget about Luis Miguel or Manzanero… so my choices were still quite limited.
Yet this morning during my run the God
Father of Soul came to my rescue, it was just BRILLIANT to hop around to the
funky tunes of Mr. James Brown, SO much fun! Although after song number 8
everything starts sounding pretty the same it was still cool; even his most
sentimental lyrics were safe and his “sexy” cat calls did NOT provoke naughty
heartbreaking thoughts, because frankly, no matter how hip and happening the guy
was and how he claims to get on the scene like a sex machine, he doesn’t quite
do it for me…
So, checking out new work possibilities
has taken me (in my mind at least) to quite amazing places, should I move to
Madagascar? should I try my luck in Australia? would South Africa be a nice
place to live in? I might get a bit melancholy and check out Spain or UK
quickly dismissing the thought.
As I thumb through the pages (nowadays it is surf the web, I know, but allow me a retro moment) imagining what my life would be like in that particular new corner of the world, I come to the realization that now more than ever there is absolutely nothing tying me down or even liaising me to any place on this big fat planet. I have friends I really love scattered all around the world, whom I can visit when I please and remind me of who I am, should I ever feel lost; I even have some family here and there, my kids are not stationed permanently so they are little satellites in their own right, always gravitating in my immediate universe.
The reality is there is nothing &
nobody at all waiting anywhere for me, and although it might seem a sad
reflection it is not so, just a simple fact and it has many positives to it.
I could live in Alaska, Punta del Este (sin albur), in Morocco, Uppsala, San Francisco, Hong Kong or Bordeaux and provided I had a job it would not make a bleeping difference to me; I could pack up and leave tomorrow or better yet! I could leave it all behind, just take my laptop and a few clothes and go for the next place. I honestly do not care at all where I live, all I need is to be on the move.
Such an indecent amount of freedom and independence is... scary at times, not unlike looking down a precipice while suffering from vertigo. I have carte blanche to GO ANYWHERE, DO ANYTHING (and I do, too) I have no ties, no anchors, no north, no major responsibilities, no mortgage, no debts, no house, no car, no husband, no lover, no guiding star, so to speak. I am as unfettered as few people could possibly dream of.
Liberating and petrifying all at the same
I am ready for the next one.
Those wisecracks ask me what am I running away from... it is not 100% accurate, I feel that I am running towards rather than from. Every new place is a brand new opportunity to... whatever! achieve, learn, be happy or maybe even find that eluding better half. I really am not sure, all I know is I need to leave, try again, maybe next time will be the lucky one.
Maybe next time I get brave (or meet a brave one!) fall in love and stay put.
Stranger things have happened...
Mushy Stuff /
MariconadasPosted by Gala Sun,
October 11, 2009 15:55:23
I really don't like Sundays, looking back I think I loathe them since I was a little girl.
No matter the country where I live in, who I live with or how old I am.
When I was small it was awful as I knew I had not done my homework; I have memories of me crying because I was so tired and I had to go over that stupid encyclopedia to get the stupid history of the stupid invention of the stupid print.
When I was a teenager I had this horrid feeling of having to get up soooo early (school started at 7.30) and knowing that absolutely everybody in my house would be sleeping, and there were all these boring TV shows Sunday afternoon and the good ones would start late (we are talking Mexican TV in the 80's.. go figure!). PLUS, I had not done my homework.
During college I studied in the afternoon, but I was already working and living with my boyfriend who worked nights and spent ALL Sunday sleeping -then we would go to his Mom's... zzzzzz-, I had to get up early for work and dash to class, and yes, although at that stage they were called assignments, I had not done my homework.
When married I dreaded Sundays as invariably my then husband would be in horrible, insane fight picking mood, a true painful nightmarish time, that was.
When divorced I resented Sundays, I lived in Spain and all families gathered for lunch, or a weekend off the city, nobody was available and I admit feeling pretty lousy seeing all these seemingly happy families doing their Sunday thing. I did have a lovely time with my Boys but always the 3 of us by ourselves and mostly going to the movies. Luckily, there was no homework for me the next day, just work.
Now I live in a Muslim country, working 6 days a week no concept of Sundays, and it still gets me down, it still is a lonely day.
Sunday is a day to be spent in loving company lazying & playing in the beach in summer, walking in the woods in autumn (with a nice warm soup in a thermos), cycling around in spring and most certainty spending the whole day in bed with my lover in Winter.
Just a couple f days ago I was having a conversation with somebody who insisted on viewing a specific situation from a "realistic" standpoint: he defined himself as a Pragmatic Man; admittedly I am romantic and although there was no room nor invitation for debate (he had already taken his decision and had proceeded with due termination) I could not help but think of his approach as terribly pessimistic, it had negativism painted all over and it was such a shame, really!
Much has been lost by
Realism, pragmatism, romanticism, pessimism, negativism… so many “isms” thrown around it makes my head spin! Applying the K.I.S.S. principle, I decided o hit the dictionary:
Realistic: Showing or having a sensible and practical idea of what can be achieved or expected.
Pragmatic: dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations.
Romantic: characterized by or suggestive of an idealized view of reality.
Pessimistic: a person showing a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future.
Negativism: The practice or tendency to be negative or skeptical in attitude while failing t offer positive suggestions or views.
After much thought, I arrived to the conclusion that we tend to confuse realism with negativism: the reality is the here and now; it is about finding solutions or alternatives for present challenges. Realism invites us to be creative, active, to be brave and take charge or to ponder our strengths and decide to walk away if we are not up for the job. Realism is not about being passive and expecting the worse simple because” that is the way it has always been” we MAKE our own reality. Same applies for those pragmatic people out there: it is about dealing with reality, not with negative theoretical considerations.
Negative seems “grown up”, “mature”, the news are filled with stories of destruction, abuse, murders, rapes, wars, corruption, the gorier the better! "Reality TV" is a display of human's worst traits: egoism, jealousy, dishonesty betrayal, rudeness and an uncanny lack of class… That is what we consider "real" and while all of this is undeniably true (these things DO happen) there are OTHER things happening in the world as well as in our personal lives, positive and inexplicably good things, yet they are not taken seriously: it is amusement, kiddy stuff, romantic nonsense it doesn't reflect "reality"
So real = negative.
I’ll be damned, but real to me is a mix of the good AND the bad!
I will grant this however, we romantics are prone to massive disappointments. I think there is a new breed of us though: romantic/realist: we hope for the best and see the positive lovely side of things and are ready to roll up our sleeves as we know that it will take some –a lot!- of work to achieve that we dream of.
I believe things are not always easy, and it takes courage and will and a positive attitude to put aside our negative “programming” and go for it, do the very best we can… even when it scares us.
One of the many great things of being 40+ are the lessons learned, which help make this incredibly rocky ride a bit gentler on the bones.
We all make our choices and freedom of choice must be respected regardless how much it might hurt or how little sense it might make. I feel that in matters of the heart, one should never EVER make any attempts against Free Will.
I have learned that just because:
...somebody doesn't like me doesn't mean I am not attractive.
...somebody doesn't want me doesn't mean I am not desirable.
...somebody doesn't love me doesn't mean I am not worthy.
...somebody doesn't want to be with me doesn't mean I am not interesting.
However rough it might get I must never forget who I am.
On the same token, just because I don't like, love or want somebody it does not mean the subject in question is rubbish, simply he is not my cup of tea.
People's opinions are personal and subjective and should not define us as human beings: they just might add a little awareness, no more.
After 40 I also learned that perky butts fall from one day to the other without warning... I could have sworn I heard it hit the ground.
Posted by Gala Fri,
October 02, 2009 00:41:03
I am in Thailand this week, taking 1 week holiday after an incredibly hard month filled with losses, some expected some announced and some others which took me totally by surprise.
After a month together Boys went back to Germany, which was hard (perhaps less difficult than it should have been... did I mention it was 1 month 24/7??!... they did not look as sad as the ought either, quite honestly). My Boss (hate the word!) left the Maldives, and although the new guy is lovely, it has been incredibly sad, more than I expected. I came to realize that he was my friend, he just didn't know it.
This month I also lost weight, lost sleep, lost ALL my music, all Operas puff! gone! lost clothes, lost documents, lost confidence in my judgment, also lost my faith in Love and have lost hope altogether.
On the bright side, I am lean, fit and 100% focused on work, which is the one thing I am REALLY glad I have not lost.
Spent a few days in Soneva Gili, another
of our out of this world (-I-SO-hate-you-for-living-there-while-I-am-stuck-in-this-darned-fluorescent
As I sat there, working my little heart out in my cutesy yellow bikini I witnessed how the sun came down, coyly at first, in a second it set the sky on fire, to slowly die down into the the deepest darkest, star filled night you can possibly imagine.
So Impressive it was, I could not help but write about it knowing I would be the butt of all the jokes from those less sensitive friends of mine, but what the heck.
I am looking for a 5-6 month job anywhere in the planet other than Maldives, if it is in the Free World all the better.
Busco alguna chamba de 5 o 6 meses que me saque de esta Isla, a poder ser al Mundo Civilizado... y si no es civilizado al menos con un par de mini vicios entretenidos.
He bitched and he ditched,
dissed and hissed
He huffed and puffed,
He finally blew it.
After a bit, She picked herself up, dusted herself off and stood there, hands on hips assessing the damages.
Tilting her head she thought to herself "Sweetheart, I think you just ducked yourself a bullet".
She walked away from the mess quite content for being able to recognize a blessing in disguise.
FlicksPosted by Gala
Thu, October 29, 2009 22:09:07
Just finished reading Arrancame la Vida, by the Mexican contemporary author Angeles Mastreta; it was soooooo wonderful to read again in Spanish! probably the last 10 books have been in English, special treat was the Mexican bit, I had forgotten how colorful and funny it can be. In an effort to be understood (at least idiomatically) I had nipped and tucked my Spanish to fit Spain, although still made fun of my accent and phrases... wonderful, wonderful reminder this book was!
The story is very entertaining: female voyage through 25 years of her life married to a Mexican "General" in the post revolutionary times, and although by this introduction it seems like a snooze, it can get you laughing AND reflecting for the most part...The title is terribly dramatic as well "Arrancame la Vida" quite literally means tear life away from me, and it comes from a bolero... I salivated with all those detailed explanations of lavish mexican meals, mmmmhhh!!! pozole, gorditas, mole, enchilatas, chiles rellenos... I know it doesn't make sense to most, but for those who does ya know where I am coming from.
I realize this entry should have been in Spanish.
Went through Death of a Salesman, it is quite sad really! life catches up with the man at 63 as he realizes he is a mediocre shadow of what he thought he would be. The realization of failure is hard enough, but when it arrives with the knowledge that it is to damned late to amend... it s devastation.
My reflections also led me to my kids and all kids really; are we setting them up for failure with so much -at times false- positive reinforcement and treating them with gloves? granted, Willy Loman did not treat his so softly, but he brought them up to believe they were the best, champs, aces, the world was theirs and the result was a couple of badly adjusted men who could admit no flaws and lived in a fantasy world the one and in eternal kleptomaniac conflict the other.
As in all such stories, the nerd who got picked on went on to have a most successful life
Nowadays Bill Gates set the trend: today's nerds are tomorrow's millionaires
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Sir Winston Churchill
No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
I just watched Cristina Vicky Barcelona, and although I liked the film and I am a declared Woody Allen fan, I much rather have him and his multiple neurosis displayed with NYC as background.
Javier Bardem is the perfect guapo-feo, my goodness! he is so ugly he is irresistible, LOVED the music and it was one of those rare occasions in which Penelope Cruz' acting was quite natural... she was portraying a crazed over the top hysterical woman though, so not sure if her histrionics were at play or not.
This romantic view we have of the tortured artist... I don't know, perhaps genius is meant to be that way and for the rest of us mortals it works differently. I am at my most creative when I am happy, not that I fancy myself as talented in anything I would be willing to admit in this blog, but from time to time I like to write stories... well not even stories, perhaps just long links of smart assed comments.
In any case, I can only be imaginative when I am feeling content and balanced; when sad I just want to sleep, lock up and refuse to come out from under the blankets, not even open my eyes for HOURS! much less write! BUT if I happen to be in love then VOLUMES come out of my head, man! I can set the world on fire.
Have been sleeping a lot lately.
Now the question is: Do we really need to suffer and sink to become inventive? Artists take their talent as a way of self expression, is it possible that they are simply crap at communicating and dealing with their emotions and therefore can only do it on a canvas, or stone or trough keys and notes?
When are you at your best?
FlicksPosted by Gala
Mon, October 05, 2009 20:56:44
This month has been sort of the Jane Austen theme thing, I love her powerful yet feminine characters and how they manage to develop, manipulate and survive in such a castrating society where their only alternative was to marry well, that is, IF she was wealthy, from a good family or at least attractive, demure and played the piano... man! I would be so screwed.
So far my favorite is Persuasion, an opportunity to re-kindle lost loves, a second chance to a happily ever after, obstinate passion which refuses to die despite the passing of time, grudges and missed opportunities... I think I have a soft spot for Miss Elliot just because I am a romantic idiot... I will never learn and will keep on crashing, no doubt, but in the mean time I have Anne E and the hope of happy endings.
Just finished Emma, and quite honestly, I see nothing lovable about that character: spoiled manipulative brat who must get her way at all costs (and does!) arrogant, rude, obnoxious and insecure and to makes matters worse, she gets the most dashing man in the book... what can I say?! I find struggling love more appealing -and close to home- than a free ride in a fancy car.
In between books I had a Paulo Coelho.. don't know why I do that to myself... I guess after so much proper English I just need a little mental break. Also devoured a fair share of chick oriented books on how to deal with heartbreak keeping a bare minimum of dignity... might have to re read those...
by Gala Tue,
October 20, 2009 19:09:03
I believe in pouring my heart and soul into everything I do, be it work, relationships, self improvement, etc. The meassure of success is not (to me) based only on what I have achieved but knowing I tried mt darnedest and could not possibly had done any better; if I accomplish on top of that then it is like a dream come true.
I am gravely mistaken, most certainly have been proven wrong when it comes to love as I tend to crash every single time, no matter what approach I take I go down in flames, big time... badly... takes me forever and a day to pick up the pieces not to mention the recovery. Something similar happens with work.
SO not worth it! not the Guys not the Jobs.
Passion sells well, but is no commodity; brings nothing but trouble, heartache & headaches. Passion blinds reason, clouds judgment, creates expectations which tend to grow into disappointments and one becomes positively mad when devoured by it.
What is the alternative? how does one become cool, gathered and together? is it by not caring? by taking it as "it's just a Job" or "it's just a guy"? certainly the person who cares less is in control and the one who loves less is the happy camper.
Where does one learn not to give a damn? are there any online courses? can I apply by correspondence? Please do point me in the right direction.
I think I am ready to leave this Island.
I sense a big walkabout coming my way.
by Gala Sat,
October 10, 2009 20:45:44
Only those close to me could make sense of this one:
1+ months of Ramazan, not the usual meals for the infidels.
TODAY is the first day of PIZZA!!!
It is Pizza day!!!!!
The best day of the week!!
It is cabbage pizza (bless them) but I don't care! WHY???!! because we got pizza back!!
I am SO happy it is sad...
by Gala Tue,
October 06, 2009 16:37:26
Ah! what a lovely day! how great is to reconnect with people one so very much likes.
Remarkable what a difference someone can make.
Even if just for today, my walk has recovered the swing of my hips and the bounce on my step.
by Gala Sat,
October 03, 2009 01:59:14
So, I think to myself, wouldn't it be a great idea to get a fashionable haircut no other than in Sri Lanka?!
Enlightenment hits me just like that sometimes.
I go with my very good friend Dilini to get dolled up, get 'em curls in order, seeing that the salty water and excessive humidity from Maldives gave them a suspiciously pubicky look, "just relax the hair a tiny bit and trim it a little", said I an all my naïveté.
Instructions seem to have been lost in translation.
Guy just chopped it all off, much to my dismay and proceeded to "iron" out my curls for ever and ever, leaving me looking like a a really big animal drooled on me.
I believe with all my heart there was a Samson-like quality about my hair too, as since it was cut I have lost much of my strength and appeal, to the point of getting (ouch!) remotely dumped... I blame the hair, not my obsessive personality, of course.
by Gala Thu,
October 01, 2009 23:58:37
So, we get to Sri Lanka, Boys go crazy, girl crazy. It seems that this is the place in the world where all the beautiful (giggly) girls are hiding. Boys have decided this is the place where they want to live and study... scary thought.
I take comfort in the knowledge that I have brought them up well enough to have their priorities straight...
Today another (lovely) set of twins just turned 13th. I cannot help but to wish their (also lovely) Dad much strength and a perennial sense of humor.
August 8th 2009
by Gala Thu,
October 01, 2009 23:44:21
I so don’t want to jinx it.
I might have found what I gave up looking for.
Could I be so damned lucky?!
July 19th 2009, Maldives
UPDATE: Nope, I wasn't so damned lucky (sadly) and yes, I jinxed it.
by Gala Thu,
October 01, 2009 23:41:24
I can’t help but wonder if the wait is finally drawing to a close, could I be so lucky?!! I would say I don’t want to get my hopes up high, but they have already escaped me and flying around wildly...
July 1st 2009 Maldives
UPDATE: Man oh Man! have things changed!
Hopes crashed loudly, 0 survivors..
Oh! and the answer is : nope, apparently it can't be.
by Gala Thu,
October 01, 2009 23:37:53
Today I have witnessed several of the small miracles I normally just read about and think only happen to other people. Feeling incredibly happy and fortunate for being in the right place, at the right time with the right frame of mind.
These days I have been doing things completely different than I normally would and I am astonished by the results.
Yep, Einstein was a genius.
June 26th 2009, Maldives