I should probably clarify that I am not dying of non- reciprocated love here.
I am standing strong. focused, determined.
I basically took a gamble, I AM taking a gamble and the odds are not necessarily looking to my favor; will know fr sure in a few days.
You see, I just finished my 4th Buddhist Boot camp and I find myself hypersensitive to ANYTHING that might be a personal short coming, potential for growth and development. Whilst I always had a sneaking suspicion that in terms of romance I am the biggest coward who ever lived, I have now encountered an opportunity to prove to myself that I have grown and developed... don't want to spell the "L" word (not lesbian.. you all know where I stand with that particular issue) so the thing is: since not running away and staying put is a brand new territory for me, I am having a bit of difficulty discerning fact from fiction. I know what I feel and what I want HOWEVER I see what there is and actions -not my own, I am as clear and pushy as I have ever been- are not filling my heart with certainty.
Real or fake?
reality or delusion?
Growth or decline?
Fact or fiction?
ground of flight?