Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Mon, November 21, 2016 10:18:58
SO damned inspired, my head is bursting
We can make a difference, let's do it!
The possibilities are mind blowing!
Life is wonderful!
Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Mon, November 14, 2016 20:07:41
Right this moment I feel I can achieve anything and everything I set my mind to.
Something has changed in me and I have come to the understanding that I actually AM a business owner and it is up to me to try and do something great, that will allow me to reach my 10 Year European Retirement Plan.
Today I feel the world is my oyster.
Anything is possible!
Wonderful challenges lay ahead.
I am a free, strong, self sufficient, independent, self contained lil entrepreneurial chick and it feels GREAT!
Tomorrow? who knows.
Today? I ROAR
Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Sat, November 12, 2016 17:53:26
The clouds have lifted, the sky is clear, my home is zen, my heart at ease, my mind is focused, the smiles are back and the ring of laughter is heard more often than it has in the past months.
Whatever tomorrow may bring, today I am happy.
Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Mon, November 07, 2016 07:45:24
That is the morse-like code of my life right now.
Everything is going well health wise, found how to remove a HUGE roadblock in my business. I am at ease with my one woman show and embracing my chosen singlehood, (Wrap it up, people! Nothing to see here! Move ít along!) starting to poke my head out of shell again and going out (about to, anyway... )
So so life is... good but testy
testing my patience & endurance, my tolerance, pushing my buttons and driving me to my limits.
Life is a pushy bi*ch.
Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Mon, October 31, 2016 06:59:37
No candy, no party, no costumes.
Hate being a grown up on Halloween.
Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Thu, October 20, 2016 22:11:17
Last August I visited the Monastery for the 4th time.
Every visit had been under very difficult personal situations when I needed solitude, guidance and a royal kick in the bum to realign my priorities and clear my head from all that clutter and nonsense i tend to pile up.
This time it was different, so very different, for you see, I was (am) in a really good place in my life. Business is going well, have a safe roof over my head, good friends; loads of fun plans and projects, great health, excellent physical shape; I was not getting over or excited about anybody; no heartache no pain.
This time around I was an empty vessel, receptive to many and all lessons to be learned... I didn't learn them all but I was damned receptive and it was absolutely wonderful, very humbling, did tons and tons of introspective work and for the first time EVER I managed to meditate. Very, very exciting and peaceful all at in one.
There were many dawning moments, full awareness and ever so present in the moment; while my demons are still there, I have befriended many of them and some others remain to be worked on, but all is very good work.
One of the many realizations I have come to is that I have forever fomented and instigated my singlehood simply because I do like being by myself and I don't want to "sell out" just for the sake of companionship. I don't want to lose my freedom however I would be willing to share it with somebody I consider to extraordinary and at this stage of my life I have embraced the fact that probably that Extraordinary Man wont cross my path (or wont stay if he does cross it) and after all these wise considerations, lo and behold! I have come to the happy conclusion that am fine with it! I still go into a frenzy from time to time, in fact, I am kind of at the end tail of a particularly strong one and waiting to see the results, but at the end of the day, even if it is a NO GO, I know I will be over it and I will resume my happy One Woman Show.
While I accept this noble truth of "oneness", the romantic in me will probably never give up on the idea of love and every now and then my heart is aflutter with the subsequent despair (last somewhat pathetic blogs may illustrate this point rather clearly) however, the realistic intellectual side prevails and while I do not close the door to possibilities I am much more attentive and cautious than I was years ago, when I though I could not "do without".
I can indeed "do without" and quite well, if I may say so myself! so I can only imagine the potential if there was the right mix, but that mix is as elusive as the elixir of eternal youth.
Y vuelve la burra al trigo! back to the same tired subject! EVERY BLOODY TIME!
Monstery, the schedule below..
Not 1 single moment of comfort, NOT ONE.
Stone bed, wooden pillow, chose to have 1 meal a day as I knew it would be coming on day 8... skipped tea as well... AND chores too! that was pretty bad of me, but I need the rebel in me to have a voice.
Chairs in the dinning hall are hellish, savage mosquitoes closely related to bats; spiders, bugs, scorpions, snakes, frogs, salamanders all found outside and inside the room, which had no chair, table or superfluous articles.
Communal cleansing wrapped in a sarong, washing with one hand, pouring coldish water with a little basin; the Thai sun and heat and rain. The physical pain in all joints was forever present, but that is my age, not the monastery.
There are many a lesson in patience, acceptance, humbleness.
Needless to say there are no mirrors, it was quite strange to see my face at the airport after 12 days. It is not necessarily that I forgot what I looked like, but the old, at ease and at peace, tired and content woman looking back at me seemed... vaguely familiar, but did not feel like it was me.
The best part? The Silence
No talking, not hearing anybody talk, just the teachings and my thoughts.
I love Silence.
|(With some modifications on Day 9 and Day 10)
*** = Monastery bell
||Yoga / Exercise - Mindfulness in motion
||Dhamma talk & Sitting meditation
||Breakfast & Chores
||Walking or standing meditation
||Lunch & chores
||Meditation instruction & Sitting meditation
||Walking or standing meditation
||Chanting & Loving Kindness meditation
||Tea & hot springs
||Group walking meditation
(the gates will be closed at 21.15)
|Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Thu, October 13, 2016 20:14:18
I should probably clarify that I am not dying of non- reciprocated love here.
I am standing strong. focused, determined.
I basically took a gamble, I AM taking a gamble and the odds are not necessarily looking to my favor; will know fr sure in a few days.
You see, I just finished my 4th Buddhist Boot camp and I find myself hypersensitive to ANYTHING that might be a personal short coming, potential for growth and development. Whilst I always had a sneaking suspicion that in terms of romance I am the biggest coward who ever lived, I have now encountered an opportunity to prove to myself that I have grown and developed... don't want to spell the "L" word (not lesbian.. you all know where I stand with that particular issue) so the thing is: since not running away and staying put is a brand new territory for me, I am having a bit of difficulty discerning fact from fiction. I know what I feel and what I want HOWEVER I see what there is and actions -not my own, I am as clear and pushy as I have ever been- are not filling my heart with certainty.
Real or fake?
reality or delusion?
Growth or decline?
Fact or fiction?
ground of flight?
Corny CorneliaPosted by Gala Wed, October 12, 2016 21:49:54
1. belief that is not based on proof
2. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
3. A system of religious beliefs
There is a great difficulty to understand deeply religious people, their beliefs and faith... that is whole different blog but i do have trouble reconciling intelligence with faith, it seems that one cancels the other; it definitely sends common sense out the window, faith does.
A few days ago, as I was secretly belittling somebody speaking of god and how he (or she... ) would provide, fix, give, sort out, appear and make all things in that person's little world right, and then it hit me: faith, that blind believe without any logical backbone is not really limited to church goes and bible thumpers, it made me think of a particular personal situation I am going trough, in which all evidence indicates that what (who) I long for is not feasible; what I am told is not accurate; common sense is YELLING at the top of its voice: GO, LEAVE, RUUUUNNNN!!!!!
Intellectually I know it is not likely to happen, self preservation tells me not to believe; my patched up hearts begs me to move on; stomach in knots, throat dry, sleepless nights.
All warning flags and what do I choose? I choose to believe, to believe in the possibility of love.
And it is ridiculous.
I think this is a sample of non religious faith.
This is what people who believe dinosaurs roamed the earth as the same time as Attila the Hun must experience... if their intellect ever had a pulse.
I know, I know, I know, I KNOW it doesn't make sense, I know the situation is... dubious to say the least, stupid to state the obvious and yet, there is this little bit of me that chooses to believe that maybe, oh god! maybe it just might work out; perhaps all logic and experience is wrong: what he says is true, what he feels is real: what he wants is us.
Maybe, just... maybe.
And from that sliver of hope, hope that there is something greater than me, hope for love, hope for growth, hope for passion, hope for partnership,
Hope for laughter, hope for romance,
Hope for intimacy, hope for joy.
Hope for happiness.
From this hope, faith is born.